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LiL SNOWMAN
![]() smiley/ sunshine ; 27th March 91 Loves: her family; smelly monster; Lil monsters; darlie; algae twinny; carrot; Elite; dodo; Meesiam clique; Lei Lei; mizi and gang =D; Fatchiek; choclit; 2 grass; weena =D ;EOM; eLeven and her other pillars of strength =)) Life's simple happiness♥ . Wish upon a fairy..
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Thursday, April 14, 2005,
♥ 10:39 AM
today.history teacher not coming for the time being le bahs.mrs leong taking our class instead.had a class test on it.we were planning to fail together.hees.yeahs.hmt? okie lo.today's audrey birthday.1st,shall wish her a v.happy birthday=)science a little boringx.timothy looks moody.cheer up boy;) assembly was simple funny lo.ha.a lil interesting bahs.we were thinking whether de drummer's hand was going to fly out cos it was lik flapping away so fastly.yeahs.fastly.?okie.wadeva.wad should i say...tml is it.another dreadful day i suppose.i wonder.how many dreadful days do i have in my week? practically de next. i cant believe how am i going to hold on.but once again,r things going to be tt bad? i dunnoe.have i suppose i had predict it.n things always r as wad i expected.de worst.sighs.maybe i am jus.too.wad should i say?sensitive?had low confidence?i dunnoe.jus wadeva it is.i mean.dun u ppl find it scary when u noe wad de day is going to be like? a dreadful one? a day wid 24 h.how i am going to suppose tt.i dun care.i mean.i am saying wad i am feeling.i dun think i am wrong.i am not.becos i am expressing MY thoughts.MINE.yes.if u think u have a prob wif it.scream it n scram man.okie? got it? this isnt the kind of life i wan.no 1 understands.no one.in fact.i dun understand myself too.sometimes i thought i'm living someone else's life.is this really me? is this really wad i wan? is this wad i call my life? i have no idea y am i saying all this.but this day practically past too fast.its so scary.wads tml.its so dark.i cant see anithing.i need a torch.but i dun have one.this kind.u noe wad issit like? i doubt u dun.becos u r not me.y r ppl in this world lik tt.i mean.ppl seems to be in their thoughts n feelings all there time.when wil dey step out n think in a different view instead? sometimes i felt as if i am living on the edge.i am slipping into the mud.stuck.i cant get out.this world we're living is like a drama.lines n actions can be fake.feelings n emotions too.u nv noe wad is jus purely sincerity.i mean.this is not me.i am not this.i am not who i am.u understand? sometimes it was went so bad tt i cnat help thinking.y mus dere be an existance of mine? y cant i jus be any fallen leaves? any roots.any air.any rain.any droplet of it.a gush of wind blew past me.i am jus so alone.sometimes it felt so scary.how am i going to survive? i tried telling myself.nahs.its okie.tml is another day.but theres no use.i cant save myself.no one can.sometimes i jus wished i would jus froze into a statue.a no emotion creature.a scrupture.a illusion.but none of this happen.i pleaded for it.it ignore mi and leave mi sitting alone.sometimes i was thinking.even if i should die now.i dun mind.is there anything tt is worth for mi to go for.but i noe i cant.this is my life.i make it.i mean.its my life n de outcomes of it comes frm me.i shall cherish it becos ppl out there r struggling so hard to keep their lives.but .this world.when did it becomes as scary.scared.afraid.frighten.lonliness.boredom.sad.anger.wad r all this? happiness,joy,excitement.touched,glad,relieve.wad r all this? i even wished for a tornado to come n stuck me into it.i dun like this life.its not mine.its not its not its not.no 1 understands.how much longer can i hold on.tears jus cant stop falling.time is crawling.save me. |